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This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.If you can't be vulnerable, then you can't be intimate. If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too.If you're afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there's a problem with the relationship.
Intimacy before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions.With the divorce rate over 50 percent, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding who to spend the rest of their life with. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most.To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize these 10 insights. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after they're married... " So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character. Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't "get it." Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of a woman and to satisfy them.Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he's going to do? This is most apparent in Judaism's approach to intimacy.How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? The Torah obligates the husband to meet the intimate needs of his wife. Men are goal-oriented, especially when it comes this area.